Sorrow of the Journal
by Mercedes Dawn
Summary: This is what happens after the series ended. Darren Shan has grown up and gone to college, no memory of his time as a half-vampire or of anyone at the cirque. All he has are his journals- books he doesn't remember writing and aren't sure are true. However, Darren's fate is about to cross Mr. Crepsley's and the others' once again. Credits for picture
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: After All These Years.

There is absolutely nothing more shocking than being visited at lunchtime by a vampire. I learned this firsthand one Saturday morning.

My best friend Steve Leonard had just arrived at my house for lunch. Steve and I became friends in kindergarten and have remained so ever since. We even attend a college together which was only a short driving distance away. We only live a few streets away from each other.

When the doorbell rang, I opened the door for Steve. "Well, if it isn't the 'Leopard' himself," I smirked as he wiped his feet on the doormat and entered the house.

"Very funny, 'Hotshot Shan'," he replied. I laughed. Steve had matured since we were kids but he still had that wild rebellious streak in him that my mother had always been wary about.

I led Steve into the house and told him to sit down while I finished up the last of the cooking for our meal. Finally, I set the table and served warm bread, coffee, and chicken soup. Steve and I immediately tucked in.

"Can you believe it, Darren," said Steve through a mouthful of bread. "_Cirque Du Freak _is a hit!"

"I'm pretty excited," I admitted, reaching for a spoon.

"You're a brilliant novelist!" laughed Steve.

I nodded. The books he was referring to had been based on diaries of mine that I don't even remember writing. But I believed that every word of them was absolutely true. Of course, I never told Steve that. He would have laughed at me. He thought the books were pure fiction based on the time we sneaked out of our houses to see an illegal freak show. Regardless, he loved the books and thought it was hilarious that he was a "villain". After a while, I no longer cared who believed my story or not. I believed and that's what counted.

After wiping my mouth on a napkin, I cleared the table and placed the dishes in the sink while Steve picked up the newspaper.

"Hey, Darren," called Steve from the table. "How about you and I see that horror movie that comes out next Friday? You know, just for old time's sake?"

"Maybe," I replied, joining him back at the table. "Sounds fun. I–"

_Ding dong!_

At the sound of the doorbell,Steve looked up from the paper. "Expecting somebody?" he inquired.

"No…" I said, puzzled. "It could be a salesman. I'll go check."

The bell rang again. "One second! I'm coming. I'm coming!" I told the visitor as I cut though the living room and unlocked the door.

His appearance startled me at first. He wore a long red trench coat with the collar up even though it must have been about eighty degrees outdoors. A wide-brimmed top hat cast a shadow over his face and little bits of orange hair peeked from beneath. "Darren," he said. "May I come in? I am baking out in this horrid sun."

"Who–" I began.

"Later. May I enter please?"

I stepped out of the way and gestured for him to come in. He immediately did and I closed the door behind him. He approached my curtains and drew them shut before taking off his hat. He sighed with relief. "The coat and hat helped a bit but I would have been reduced to ashes had you not let me in. for that I thank you, Darren. You were always considerate."

"Do I know you?" I asked him. I'll admit was sizing him up. After all, I had just let an _extremely_ sketchy man into my house.

The man stared at me sadly. "Oh… right. Lady Evanna did not give you those memories back like she did for the rest of us. For you, none of it ever happened."

"What are you talking about!?" I demanded, slowly losing it.

"Darren, buddy, is everything all right in there?" Steve appeared in the doorway. The man's eyes narrowed.

"Ah, Steve Leonard. You are doing well I see."

Steve now wore the same puzzled glance I did. Then recollection crossed his face and his skin was reduced to pallor. "Horston?! Vur Horston?! The vampire!?"

At this, a baffled look crossed the man's face. But it quickly vanished.

"Ah. That is right." said the man. "You would remember me from the cirque."

"But… That was years and years ago!" gasped Steve. "What the hell are you doing here now!?"

"I want nothing with you," said the man with an icy tone. "I have come to speak with Darren."

At that, I stared hard at the man. _Vur Horston… Cirque Du Freak… Vampire… _Could this be _him_? Was _he_ really real?

"Mr. Crepsley?" I asked tentatively. I felt weird calling him Mr. Crepsley since we were both adults… But it felt much more natural than calling him Larten.

He stared at me sadly. "You only know that from your journals, do you not? You do not remember really. How could you remember something that, in fact, never came to be?"

I couldn't take my eyes off Mr. Crepsley. Did I really care so much about this man in another lifetime? I had written so much about him in my diary. This was the man who had once pumped his own contagious blood into my veins and transformed me into a vampire. I looked at my fingertips, half expecting to see puncture marks. Nothing but clean flesh. It hurt though. Why couldn't I remember Mr. Crepsley?

"You said Evanna… the sorceress… gave you the memories," I said. "What do you mean?"

"She found us. Those you knew… She implanted our memories from another lifetime back into us. She told us that she would give you… and Steve Leonard your memories once you were ready. I do not know when that will be."

"WILL YOU GUYS HOLD ON!"

Mr. Crepsley and I whipped around to face Steve. His eyes smoldered dangerously but he seemed more scared and confused than angry. "Are you implying that Darren's stories are all true? You guys are crazy! I would never do the horrid things I did in those books in really life!"

"You would not _now_," corrected Mr. Crepsley bitterly. "Darren averted your fate so that you would become a different person. He messed with the laws of time and created a new outcome."

Steve trembled. For a second, I thought he would lose it. But then he turned to me. "That's why you weren't surprised… When I finally did tell you why I had stayed behind at Cirque Du Freak all those years ago."

"I always wondered if there was something true about those old diaries I found." I admitted. "When you told me about what went on between you and Mr. Crepsley that night, it only strengthened my suspicions."

"So, all that stuff in your novels. Actually happened? I-I'm _evil_? I killed people? I hurt you… bad." Steve looked like he was going to hurl all over the floor.

I put my hand on his shoulder. "Forget about it, Steve. That was another lifetime. You aren't that person anymore."

"But I'm capable of being him," mumbled Steve miserably.

I glanced at Mr. Crepsley. "I don't know how I feel about seeing you again, Mr. Crepsley. I mean, it sounds like you were important to me. But I don't think you came here so we could all pile on Steve. Why are you here?"

Mr. Crepsley removed his hat. "It is rather complicated. The Cirque du Freak has run into some trouble. Lady Evanna and Mr. Tall have told us that they cannot help as much as they want to because of restrictions but they did say that to solve this certain problem, you and Steve must 're-enter the story'. So Evanna sent me to collect you two. However, we must do this all behind the back of Mr. Tiny."

Just as I was going to unleash a torrent of questions, my front door creaked open. "Mr. Crepsley? Are you here already?" asked a voice. Then the door opened all the way and I found myself face-to-face with a rather unusual bunch.

The first one I have to mention was a man in a hooded sweatshirt. But, of course the hood wasn't the weird part. Underneath the hood, I could see that he had tiny scales that were glimmering and emerald-colored like some kind of exotic snake. He wet his lips with a reptilian forked-tongue. From what I had read in my journals, this had to be Evra Von, the snake-man.

The figure beside him was exceedingly short. He also wore a hood but when he removed it, I could see that his skin was dull and gray and held together by patchwork. He had some sort of oxygen device on his mouth, but when he slid it to the side, I could see tiny rows of teeth. This could be none other than Harkat Mulds, the little person.

The last person wasn't even a man. She was a woman a little younger than me with dark hair and amazing eyes. Was she Debbie or Arra? I stared at her hard, remembering how Arra and Debbie were described in my journals. After noticing her casual posture and lack of weapons at her side, I felt convinced that this woman was Debbie Hemlock.

"Evra? Harkat? Debbie?" I tried nervously.

"What?" they asked in unison.

I laughed and punched the air. "Yes! I got it right!"

Debbie laughed but I could tell she was a bit… depressed. "What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Darren… I don't want you to guess. I want you to know so badly," she told me. "Because… I did love you at some point. When I remembered… I sought out Evra, Mr. Crepsley, and Cirque Du Freak because I wanted to find you."

I frowned. "I know, Debbie. I'm sorry. I really am. But I can't help it when what we had ever really existed."

Her eyes drooped a little but, nevertheless, she pulled me into a hug. We stood there for a minute. Then I felt her body go stiff. "Steve," she said, numbly. "Steve Leonard!"

Harkat and Evra both gasped as if suddenly realizing that Steve was standing right there. "What," asked Evra evenly, "exactly is he doing here?"

"Uh, having lunch?" Steve offered a little too sardonically. I could feel trepidation fill Debbie.

"It's okay! Steve's fine! He's not going to hurt you! " I guaranteed them.

"That's what you… said last time," grumbled Harkat. "That time in Mr. Crepley's old town…You vouched for him then he tried to kill us… and you."

However, the last person I expected to speak on Steve's behalf did so. "As much as I despised Steve," said Mr. Crepsley, "this is a different alternate life. Besides, I truly do not think Evanna would tell us to take Steve Leonard with us if she knew he would harm us."

"I suppose… you're right," said Harkat "But as long as those… sequences from our… alternate life are still… fresh in my head… it will take some getting used to."

"Cannot argue with that," said Mr. Crepsley.

"So," growled Steve with irritation. "What is this oh-so-urgent problem that you need Darren and me for?"

Mr. Crepsley, Debbie, Harkat, and Evra all shared a long glance. "I feel that it is best if we have Evra explain on the way," said Mr. Crepsley.

I sighed. "I'll get my keys."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Circus of Strange

It turned out that my friends (can I still call them that?) had taken busses and subways to get to my house so we all had to pile into my car. There were only four seats, however, so it wasn't the most comfortable ride. I was driving while Debbie sat in the passenger's seat with Harkat on her lap. Then Mr. Crepsley, Evra, and Steve all had to squeeze into the two seats in the back. They obviously didn't like being in such close proximity to each other, especially Evra who had to sit next to Steve.

"I guess, I'll tell you what's going on now," said Evra, finally. His voice was quiet like my diary had described.

"I'm listening" I said, glancing at him through the rear-view window.

"Cirque Du Freak has gone through a series of attacks," Evra began. "At first they were nothing more than pranks. You know, spray- painting our trailers at night, rearranging the letters on our signs to say crude things, and spraying our camps with _revolting_ odors… Nothing more than that. We assumed a child was to blame and that it would stop when we switched towns."

"But?" I asked.

"It didn't stop. In fact, it got worse. The pranks became deadly." Evra grew silent for a moment.

"The worst would-be attacks have happened to my family. My wife Merla was nearly drowned when going to the river with Lilia one morning. Someone apparently pushed her under. If not for Mr. Creplsey arriving with incredibly lucky timing, causing the attacker to flee, she would have been killed. A week later Vernus, Urcha, and Lilia were climbing trees and, while they were playing, the tree started to fall. If Merla and I hadn't gotten there in time to catch them they may have broken their necks. We examined the tree later and found the marks of an axe blade on it. It's so strange that no one notice a person cutting. Days later, Vernus and Urcha came home with their arms slit… But they couldn't explain what the person who did it looked like. I'm so worried!" Evra took in a deep breath. I could tell that his tale was tremendously taxing for him… But there was one thing I didn't understand.

"Since when do you have a child named 'Vernus'?" I asked. I know, the question seemed a little insensitive but it was bothering me. In my journals, I don't remember there ever being a Vernus.

"In our past life he was Shancus," Evra told me quietly. "But since I never met you in this life, the name changed to Vernus."

"Oh," I replied just as quietly. "Well, go on then. Do you know why these attacks have been happening?"

"I don't know if you wrote this conversation in your journal or not but… Do you know about the time I explained to you that I was originally from another freak show?"

"My journal said that they treated you like dirt if that's what you mean." I replied.

Evra nodded. "They were called The Circus of the Strange. They're back and they want revenge on me and Mr. Tall and they'll hurt our cirque if it means hurting us. Evanna explained that this is a bigger deal than even we know. A big enough deal to seek out you… two… for help."

"Fine," I said. "But I don't know if I'll be any help. I'm not a vampire remember?"

"Actually, Darren," Mr. Crepsley cut it. "May we talk about that a little later?"

I opened my mouth in protest. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that Mr. Crepsley wanted to blood me… Well, I just didn't think that was the best idea. That part of me was past. In fact, it had been completely annihilated from history and for a good reason too. As much as I may have once been fine with being a vampire, the thought now scared the living daylights out of me. I played the role of Darren Shan, the average _human_. Not Darren Shan the vampire prince.

Debbie placed her hand on my knee. "Yes," she said. "Talk _later_. For now, it looks as if we've arrived, everyone."

We had. I could see a colorful bunch of circus tents just ahead.

"UNCLE DARREN!"

I was assaulted by a trio of little kids. They grabbed me around the leg and arms. I even felt somebody jump-tackle me, throwing their arms around my chest. I lurched forward with a gasp.

"Gee, Uncle Darren," one of them giggled. "You're not as strong as you used to be."

"Vernus! Lilia! Urcha! Get off him!" called Evra, jogging towards us.

"Awww, Dad," one of the kids said, staring at me with bright green eyes.

I laughed. "Okay, introduce yourselves please. Who's who?"

They all looked at me, hurt. "Uncle Darren," whimper one of them. "Don't you remember us?"

"Darren didn't get his old life implanted back into him like the rest of you did," Evra explained. Then he matched his children to their names for me.

Vernus still didn't seem happy with that and, when he happened to look up at Steve, he seemed even less happy. He gasped and reached for his dad, clinging to him tightly. He trembled in horror as he stared up at Steve. "Killer," he whispered. Then his voice rose. "You broke my neck, you murderer!"  
"Okay, okay, Vernus!" cried Evra, grabbing Vernus. "It... It's all right." But he didn't seem too convinced himself. I couldn't blame him. He probably remembered everything he felt as Steve slew his little boy with one tiny motion.

"NOOO!" squealed Vernus in a painfully shrill voice. "Don't let him touch me! _DAD_! _MOM_! _UNCLE_ _DARREN_!"

"Vernus! Calm down," said Merla, suddenly next to Evra. She pried the kid off his father and rubbed his back until he quieted. "Urcha, Lilia, come." She dragged her brood away. But not before shooting Steve a dagger glance.

Steve's eyes darkened and, for I minute, I thought he would say something rash. But he inhaled deeply inward and turned to Mr. Creplsey. "What's your plan, vampire?" he growled.

Mr. Creplsey pointed towards a large trailer with a long finger tipped with a blade-sharp nail. "Mr. Tall," he said. "Will speak with you now."

"Darren Shan."

Mr. Tall smiled fondly, look that seemed a bit alien on his face. I acknowledged Mr. Tall with a nod. "The last time I saw you," he said, "you appeared only in your teens…"

I laughed. "Well, I age normally now. I guess it's less confusing this way."

He smiled lightly then ushered Steve, Mr. Crepsley, and me towards the couches. "I understand what happened in our past existence… How you allowed Leonard to destroy you in order to prevent The Lord of Shadows, yourself, from rising. You should have gone to paradise. Yet… my father captured you and attempted to keep you in the Lake of Souls for eternity. My sister, Evanna, saved you after making a deal with our father in return for your soul. However, you unraveled the past by going back and stopping your child-self from making some of the choices you previously did… and now here we are."

There was an awkward silence. "Yeah. According to my diaries, that sums it all up," I said.

Mr. Tall took off his hat and rubbed his head. "It's so strange, Darren. You seem not to know of any of this."

"I know. From my diaries," I told him.

"You know about it but do you really feel it?"

I didn't know how to answer that. I really didn't. I really wished that Mr. Tall would stop being so cryptic.

"So what does this feud between cirques have to do with Darren and me?" Steve piped up.

"I have," Mr. Tall hesitated but his bottomless black eyes showed no emotion, "looked into a few things… I see two outcomes, just like during the War of Scars. In one foreseen outcome our cirque prevails and in the other The Circus of the Strange prevails. But in the outcome where _we_ prevail, I have seen you and Darren. Evanna has seen this too."

I closed my eyes. Okay, so maybe Steve and I have a part to play in this. However, we had no idea what that part was. So, what were we to do? Wait around the cirque until fate hit us on the head?

"Your part will reveal itself in time," said Mr. Tall, reading my mind. "Until then, yes, I would like you to stay at the cirque." He rose from the couch. "I will show Leonard around… But, Darren, I think that Larten would like to have a word with you."

With that, he led a reluctant Steve from the trailer.

Mr. Crepsley turned to me but I did not meet his gaze. I was afraid of what would happen if I did.

"Darren…" he said with surprising gentleness. "This is making me so… upset. I want you to remember. I told you did I not? Right before I died, I told you that the years I spent with you were my happiest ones. Now you don't even recognize me."

"Well that's not my fault it?" I said, turning to face him. "Some things are beyond my control, Mr. Crepsley. Yes, I don't think it's very fair. That you should remember and I don't. But I just don't remember because it never happened. In another life, I probably knew you and this cirque inside and out. Now, it's all so foreign to me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't confused or even a little terrified."  
Mr. Crepsley sighed but held my gaze when I looked up. He put his hand on my head. "Darren…" he said slowly. "I would like to drop the charade. You and I both know why I wanted to speak to you."

I squeezed my eyes shut. I felt like a child again. I knew what was coming but I wanted to will it away and put it off.

"I want to blood you like I did in that previous existence. I think that maybe would awaken something in you. Maybe you would remember. But most of all, since I regained that life… I have realized that I missed you."

"Can we not," I whispered, shaking his hand away, "pretend we can solve things so easily. I'm so confused and so are you. But I don't think becoming a half-vampire again will help. I have a life in the light now. As a human. I like it and… I know that I'm interested in this all… But it will come to pass. I'm going to live my normal life."

Mr. Crepsley's eyes glinted melancholically. "Very well, Darren. I will not press. It is your life to do with as you please."

I managed a weak smile. "T-thank you." I started out the door. Then I turned. "Oh, Mr. Crepsley?"

"Yes?"

"In my journals, I called you my father. I did care for you and I _do _want those memories."

With that, I exited the trailer into the afternoon sunlight.

That night at the campfire, I could barely stay alert. Too many thoughts were swimming around in my head.

Truska slid onto the log next to me. "Darren, you are all right?" she asked in her charming but mangled English. I looked at her. Earlier, I had discovered that Truska was an exotic woman with dark hair and the freakish ability to grow a beard and suck it back in at will. She was much like I had described her in my journals.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired," I replied. She stared at me so intently that I grew nervous. She ran a tanned hand through my dark hair.

"How old is you?" she asked me.

"Twenty-one."

She sighed. "That is strange. Never seen you this old. You look like teenager last time I saw you… but you never came back. You died and past changed."

"I have no regrets," I told her.

She nodded. "No regrets. Yes, confusion and pain. Did Larten to you talk?"

"Yes. I- I am not becoming a vampire though. I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "Do not apologize. Not to anyone. Not when you did it to save us. I just wish saving hurt not so much."

With those words, Evra, Debbie, and Steve ventured to the fire trailed by all the freaks… including Mr. Creplsey. I didn't make eye contact.

"Time to develop a plan of action," declared Evra. "I realize that this because of my past. This is my problem and my darkness. But can I ask for your guys' help?"

A chorus of agreements resounded through the air. All the freaks pledged to protect Evra and the future of the cirque. Suddenly the back of my neck tingled. We all turned to see a figure enter the campground.

She was impossibly ugly. A tangled mass of hair stuck out from her head, matching her beard and mustache. She was… well… pretty fat. Ropes were all she wore but her limbs and belly were bare. Her eyes scoped across us all then fell on me. I nearly leaped out of my skin.

"Darren," she said softly. "My, it has been long. I am Lady Evanna." Then she addressed the rest of the crowd. "Your cirque is in danger. Normally, I don't bother myself in frivolous matters such as the survival of a single cirque. However, this is my brother's cirque and it is the home of many friends of mine. Besides… I've been looking for an excuse to get a certain someone back in action." She glared at me pointedly then her eyes softened. "The world of the night has been a rather dull place without you."

Then she lifted three fingers. "Three bits of advice," she continued. "One: you must send a small party of your freaks to The Circus of the Strange. Two…" She tossed a small bag to Evra. He opened it. Inside were two freshly polished hand mirrors. "Use those to communicate. It works when the one you wish to speak to holds the opposite mirror. One mirror must go to Steve Leonard." The whole crowd locked eyes on Steve as Evra nervously gave one mirror to Steve. No one seemed to like the idea of Steve getting anything special. "Three," said Evanna finally. "I do not care who is in the group that leaves aside from Darren, who MUST go, and Steve, who MUST NOT go."

"What!?" cried Steve. "What was the point of bringing me here if I can't even do anything!?"

Evanna shot him a severe glance. "Trust me. You will have much to do… So, who is going on this quest and how many?"

"I will allow five," said Hibernius Tall. "No more. Since Master Shan has been assured a spot, that leaves four to accompany him."  
"Me!" shouted Evra . "I must! This is all because of me!"

"Me too!" cried Debbie. "I may not be a freak but I do have some assets."

"I want to go as well," whispered Harkat. He lowered his breathing mask and smiled at

me. "Just… Like old times… Darren."

That left one more space. The wind brushed through the briefly silent night. But I already knew who the last person was. I already knew.

"Very well. I claim spot five," declared Mr. Creplsey.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Setting out

I'll admit, I tried staying away from Mr. Crepsley as much as possible. I didn't hate him. He didn't creep me out. I wasn't unsure of him. I was just unsure of myself. Part of me was saying _"let bygones be bygones" _and part of me was saying _"no way. These people care about you and you cared about them. What are you running from, Shan?"_ I was just confused. Horribly confused.

I gritted my teeth and managed to squeeze a fire engine red lighter into my pack. Our goal was to travel lightly so my back pack was small and didn't hold much. I had been able to fit a bag of semi-stale bread, one water bottle, a pocket knife, some medical gauze, my journal, and the lighter inside.

"Darren."

I glanced up to see Steve. He looked a bit frazzled from the excitement and a bit troubled too. "I was able to notify the college of our absence," he told me. "But I won't get into the details. I called our parents and said that we were going on a trip and not to call for the next few days…."

Suddenly, Steve kicked a rock. It flew like a bullet and wedged itself into a rotting tree near my right. I kept my mouth shut though. Steve Leonard was scary when he was angry. "This sucks," he seethed. "I don't think that anyone cares about us or how we feel… Being dragged into this mess. To top it all off, they're separating us and I can't pass a single person without getting a go-to-hell glare! Why are we even here?!"

"I don't know," I said quietly, standing and swinging my bag onto my back. "Hopefully, we can finish this as fast as possible and then go back to our regular lives and forget all about freaks, alternate realities, and blood-sucking vampires."  
At that, Steve's expression softened. "Do you really think so?" he asked.

Before I could tell him no, a tall figure seemingly materialized behind him. Mr. Crepsley. "Come on," he said. "The sun is rising. Get some sleep during the day. We shall depart at dusk."

I stared hard at the vampire, wondering if he had eavesdropped on my conversation with Steve. "Okay," I said. "I could do with a few hours of rest."

The canvas tent had been closed tightly, preventing even the slightest ray of light. I lay in a pile of blankets, dreaming deeply.

"What are you doing, Darren, my son?" cackled an odd-looking old man. He seemed nice enough until I saw the evil in his eyes and the blood dripping from his heart-shaped clock. He raised the clock by the chain so I could see it. The surface was cracked and the hands were spinning out of control as more thick crimson dripped to the floor. "You did this," he told me in the gleeful voice of someone trying to hide their boiling fury. "When you changed your destiny everything got all out of whack. It's sad. You could have been the lord of a dark world. But never mind that. Here you are again." He laughed harshly. "I am no longer on your side. But I still want you. Even if you are a failure of a son, you still belong to me. I created you and you are at my disposal. " He wagged a thin-skinned figure at me. "No more deals for you, my dear boy. Destiny now favors your enemies. They will destroy your cirque. But they won't kill you. I have something else planned. Are you sure you don't want to surrender now?"

My throat felt incredibly heavy but I managed to croak, "Whoever you are, you're disgusting and I will _never_ give myself up to you. I belong to no one."

With that, my skull split with an explosion of pure energy. "_YOU HAVE DEFIED ME THE LAST TIME, DARREN SHAN! I WILL TWIST YOUR HEART UNTIL IT BLEEDS ITS LAST DROPS AND MAKE YOU SUFFER UNTIL YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A SHELL OF YOURSELF! YOU CANNOT WIN AGAINST TIME OR FATE! YOU CANNOT WIN AGAINST MR. TINY!_"

Colors seared my mind. The crystalline blues, pinks, and yellows were so intense. I felt like my identity was melting.

"Stop it!" I shrieked.

"Darren!"

My eyes flickered open. It was dark. It was calm. There were no flashing colors. There was no Mr. Tiny with his grotesque threats. The world was pleasantly still. A candle was brought near my face. My eyes stung for a moment then they focused on a pretty woman's face. Debbie. "Are you all right?" she whispered. "You screamed. Were you having nightmares?"

I smiled weakly. "They're over now. Is it nightfall?"

She nodded, still looking at me with concern. "I came to wake you. Let's go"

I rose from where I lay and, together, Debbie and I walked into the welcoming night.

Evra, his family, Steve, Truska, Harkat, Mr. Crepsley, Mr. Tall, and Evanna all waited for us at the edge of camp. They turned when they saw Debbie and me coming towards them.

Evanna examined me quizzically. Her clouded expression cleared. Then she spoke. "It was our father wasn't it?" she asked. "He gave you a nightmare? That isn't good. It means he knows that you've returned. Now that he's meddling, you must act with urgency. On the bright side, he cannot truly harm you within dreams…"

I nodded slowly. "So, are we all set to go?" I asked. Anything to prevent further talk of Mr. Tiny.

"Just about," replied Evanna. She grabbed Steve's hand. "Ready to get your memories back?" she asked him.

He stared at her, mystified. "You mean now? I'll have my past self's memories implanted back into me?"

"Yes," she told him. "You will become that person you once were."

"Hold up," said Evra. "The Steve I knew was completely twisted. So isn't giving him his past self's life a bad thing?"

"Perhaps," admitted Evanna. "But Steve still has a choice. I will give him his alternate self's memories, desires, pains, and joys. What he decides to do after that is up to him."

Steve noticed the uncomfortable looks on our faces. "Don't worry. I'm prepared for the worst. But I will not cave this time. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore," he said. Then he faced Evanna.

"This may hurt," Evanna warned. "With so many emotions swiveling around, it may feel like too much to handle. Stand firm."

Then she touched his forehead. Steve's pupils reduced to pinpoints. He shrieked then opened and closed his mouth, gasping for air. Many of my friends turned away. None of them liked Steve but they didn't want to watch him suffer. Steve grabbed Evanna's arm for support with both his hands, squeezing with white knuckles. She kept her hand pressed to his head then, after about a minute, she released. Steve's eyes returned to normal and he collapsed.

"Steve!" I cried, dashing towards him. I shook him lightly, repeating his name. His eyes flickered open.

"Darren… I'm so sorry…" he whispered, then slipped back into the world of the unconscious. I breathed a sigh of relief and slowly loosened my grip on him.

"What… about Darren?" asked Harkat. "Can he get his… memories… back now?"

"Yeah!" cried Debbie, Evra, and the three young Von children. Mr. Crepsley stayed oddly silent, his eyes trained on Evanna.

"I know it seems unfair," said Evanna. "But Darren is a more delicate case. Due to past events you would not understand, I cannot give him his life without damaging him mentally and spiritually. He must get it back himself or not at all."

No one (not excluding myself) liked that answer but we were all subject to the rules Evanna told us about because we didn't have any clue what was going on.

After a moment of silence Mr. Tall said, "Truska, Merla, perhaps you should say your goodbyes so we can get Mr. Leonard back to the camp and send our friends on their way."

"Take care, Evra," sighed Merla, kissing him briefly. Their children made _ewww_ faces. Then they became serious again.

"Don't let them kill you dead," whispered Urcha. "Daddy… Uncle Darren."

We promised we wouldn't.

"This is not going to be an easy journey," said Truska. "I wish you best of luck."

"Thank you, Truska," said Mr. Crepsley. He took one last glance at the passed out Steve then said, "We will return to the cirque when our mission is complete. Farewell Mr. Tall… everyone…."

Mr. Tall nodded and as if on cue, we all turned to leave. Even as Debbie, Evra, Harkat, Mr. Crepsley, and I walked away, I could feel Evanna's eyes burning into my back.

I chatted with Debbie and Harkat most of the way. Evra and Mr. Crepsley remained mostly silent, every once in a while exchanging a few sentences.

"It feels weird doesn't it?" said Debbie. "Being human in a place like the cirque?"

"Not as strange… as being a Little Person who can talk," replied Harkat. "Darren…. I keep on forgetting that you're not a… vampire."

"In the human world that could be taken as an insult," I chuckled. Debbie laughed and took my hand. I blushed. Did Debbie and I used to hold hands?

I stared up at the sky which was turning gray. Mist clung to our heels and the clouds glowed faintly. "We've been traveling for hours," I pointed out.

"Yeah," said Evra, noticing the sky, "Perhaps we should rest for the day. We need to get Mr. Crepsley somewhere dark before he fries."

"Pleasant image," said Mr. Crepsley with oozing sarcasm.

"There should be a bridge around here," said Debbie, pulling out the map. "It's a concrete bridge over a dry river. It would be a perfect shelter for the day."

It only took as a few minutes to find the bridge she spoke of. It was large and covered in ivy and foliage. But once under the bridge, I realized how perfect it really was. It was a tunnel made of concrete. Even the "floors" were concrete except for an area down the middle where the river ran. Debbie hadn't been entirely correct when she said the river was dry. There was a small, kind of pathetic stream. The tunnel stretched for about three kilometers which offered brilliant shade.

I tossed my bag onto the concrete flood and sat on top of it, leaning against the smooth wall of the tunnel. Evra had collected a sundry of dry twigs and leaves and I set them alight. We shared the food we brought and soon Mr. Crepsley, Harkat, and Debbie all drifted off to sleep.

Evra turned to me. "Darren," he said. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to drag you into this."

"Forget about it. It's fine, Evra," I told him. He wrung his scaly hands and shook his head.

"I d-don't know if you guys know what you're getting yourselves into. That cirque was… evil."

I nodded. "We'll cross our bridges when we come to them. But you're our friend, Evra. You come first, the horrors come second."

Evra smiled weakly. "Spoken like the Darren I knew," he told me.

I nodded and yawned, sliding to a comfortable position. "We'll be all right, Evra," I told him. "Just fine. Sleep well, Evra."

"Sleep well, Darren."

"My my my… Look what the desperate flea-bitten cat dragged in."

In a second, we were all on our feet. In the entrance of the tunnel was a stunningly beautiful woman of about thirty. She had extremely long blonde hair and blue eyes. She was slender and curvy and her hot-pink platform heals highlighted this fact. She wore a strapless white dress and her long nails were the same vibrant pink as her shoes. But when she smiled, her pretty face became cold and twisted.

She looked us over and recited our names. "Debbie Hemlock, Larten Crepsley, Darren Shan, Harkat Mulds and… Oh, Evra, darling! Long time no see!"

Evra shivered. "Colette Angel? That's you isn't it?"

She laughed. "I told them you would remember me! Nobody forgets someone this gorgeous! So I hear you have a little family. I saw your kiddies. Cute."

"I swear if you're plotting anything to hurt my family…" Evra trailed off furiously.

Colette put her hand up. "Really, Evra. We care more about you than those little reptile mutts. Mr. Darkket is _dying_ to see you again. He wants to have a little chat. The last day he saw you was his late father's last day alive…. Oh, and Darren Shan!" she trained her wicked gaze on me. "I have a friend who's eager to meet you as well. He has a proposition to offer you."

"What kind of proposition?" I asked suspiciously.

Colette giggled. "You'll have to see, honey." She turned to the rest of our group. "Ah, you three matter less. But you can come along…" When her sinister gaze met Debbie's she laughed. "So you're Debbie Hemlock! Shame, to be traveling with all these men and not even be pretty." Colette continued laughing like a witch… no, like something that rhymed with witch. She made me so angry. Her uppity attitude and grotesque focus on beauty. In my opinion, Debbie was a million times more beautiful than she was because Debbie didn't take herself so seriously or pile on make-up. Debbie wasn't rotten ugly inside.

"Are you just going to stand there cracking your lame jokes or show us to your boss, you gross old witch?" I seethed. The moment I said it, all instinct told me to duck. I didn't and I paid for it.

Colette was suddenly on me. A collective gasp ran through the room as large grayish pigeon-like wings burst from Colette's back. She hit me with them, sending me to the ground. She sat on my chest, her eyes blazing. Then she smiled with false sweetness, placing a long fingernail on my eyelid. "You can tell a lot from somebody by their eyes," she cooed (pun not intended). "You have such pretty green eyes… Can I have them?" she applied more force to my eye and I felt certain she would gouge it out.

Debbie screamed my name and Mr. Crepsley and Evra lurched forward to grab me. They never reached me because a voice from behind us said,

"Knock it off, Angel. The boss wants to meet them in one piece. Besides, Onn would be pretty disappointed if you damaged Shan."

Colette Angel pouted but got off me. "Haemon," she whined. "I was just having fun with him."

I looked towards the entrance of the tunnel and saw no one…. Actually I saw a floating trench coat, trousers, boots and a musty fedora hat. But no body.

"You're an invisible man," remarked Mr. Crepsley.

"Righto," responded Haemon, his fedora tipped. "Mr. Haemon Vanished at your service."

"It was you!" cried Evra suddenly. "You attacked my children and Merla! Only somebody invisible could do stuff like that!"

"Calm down, snakey… They're alive aren't they? Ah so you're Evra Von? I was at The Circus of the Strange the same time as you but… I was never a side show. I only saw you from a distance.

You see, I'm not an animal."

Evra gave him a one fingered salute. Haemon shrugged it off. "Ready to go?" he asked. "I'll take you to the boss. Since you were going to see him anyway…"

We understood what he meant. Going with them would be the fastest way to their camp. It would be foolish not to go.

"Very well," said Mr. Crepsley. "The darkness is falling. Now is as good a time as any."

"Let's get going!" giggled Colette. She and Haemon led the way.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Meeting Javier Darrket

"Ah! Evra! You've grown!"

Mr. Javier Darrket's smile was terrible. He smiled like he was debating if the flashy show of teeth would lure you closer so he could maim you. Evra, however, did not smile.

"Javier. So you've taken over this hell hole. Continuing your father's work?"

At Evra's icy words, Mr. Darrket leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the oak desk. He looked around the odd neon tent. Finally he pointed to a poster board near the entrance. The most prominent picture on the board was of a short buck-toothed man in a tweed suit who looked very similar to the man who sat before us. "Your new boss murdered him. Mr. Darrket the first. I will never forget that Evra."

"I don't want you to forget or even forgive. Just as I won't forgive you for all those terrible years when you jeered at me from the other side of the bars and poked me with sticks. I'm just warning you to leave us alone," replied Evra.

Mr. Darkket yawned, Evra's threatening tone lost on him. "Then let's get to business. If it's the safety of your loved ones you desire… If you don't want anyone else getting hurt, tell Mr. Tall to shut down Cirque Du Freak permanently."

"You think… that… that would happen? The Cirque is…our home. The place… we belong," said Harkat. Mr. Darkket glared at him.

"You can stay here in the empty tent. I never expected an immediate answer. But my threat is very real. You are all in danger. Now sleep. We will not hurt you. If we did, you could not deliver our message to Mr. Tall."

That, oddly, seemed fair enough. Just as we were about to leave, a man entered the tent. He was suspiciously mysterious. He wore a long-sleeved black shirt, jeans, boots, leather gloves, a cap, a ski mask, and reflective sunglasses. In short, not one square inch of his body or face was visible.

"Oh yes!" exclaimed Mr. Darrket. "This is Onn. Onn meet Evra, Harkat, Debbie, Larten… and Darren." The circus owner grinned sinisterly. "Ah, the rest of you can go to your tent– show them Colette– and Master Shan and Onn will have a nice chat in here… Do you want refreshments?"

"No thanks," said Onn and I at practically the same time. His voice surprised me. It sounded scratchy as if he was gargling sand.

Mr. Darkket cackled. "Suit yourself. Come along everyone."

"See you later… Darren!" called out Harkat as he was herded out of the tent with the rest of my friends.

When they had gone, I turned to this man, Onn. "What's up?" I asked him seriously. "What do you need from me?"

He remained silent for a moment. "You know," he began, "Your friends are not the only ones who got memories back from our previous timeline… Others did too. Not of our whole lives per se like your friends did… But of certain things, important things… Like the War of Scars for instance."

"The War of…" I said, startled. He knew about that?

Onn slowly removed his sun glasses and mask, revealing purple skin and red eyes.

"You're vampaneze?!" gasped.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: The Threat of Scars

I cocked my head to the side. I was confused, terrified. I seriously doubted that I could take a vampaneze by myself. I was only human.

Onn didn't say anything. He only removed his gloves and licked a crusting red substance from his figures. My stomach felt queasy. He obviously had come here from dinner. He saw me staring and shrugged. "I'm a very busy man. Sometimes too busy to finish a meal properly. Consider it multitasking."

"What do you want?" I growled.  
"Too make an offer. I think you know what it is," he rasped.

My jaw tightened. "To blood me. The answer is no. I do not intend to re-enter the world of the night. I turned down Mr. Crepsley, my friend. So what makes you think I would, even for a minute, consider being vampaneze? Besides, I would only die if I became vampaneze. I could _never_ kill a human."

Onn sighed, a horrible noise. He lit a cigarette. Then he turned back to me. His eyes grew cold and hungry. The scarlet irises made me shutter…. Even more so when I noticed a fresh bloody scratch beneath his eye… the dying attempt of his latest victim to break free as he drained them. I imagined the human, watching themselves die in the reflection of Onn's eyes… reaching out of one last strike.

"You don't knock out your victims before you drink from them?" I asked, appalled. I remembered that vampires and vampaneze have a breath gas that sedates their targets.

"What good is the hunt if you don't let your prey fight to the end?" he asked.

"That's horrible!" I exclaimed. "You know they cannot win!"

"It's my honor and code." He flicked his cigarette butt then stamped it out.

"I–"

"You're doomed, Darren Shan!" he rumbled suddenly. I flinched and took a step back, wishing that I hadn't left my pocket knife in the bag with Evra.

"What do you mean?" I asked softly.

"You cannot be human. You are doomed to be a creature of the night. You must belong to either the vampires or vampaneze!"

"You're insane!" I sneered. "I don't have to if I don't want to!"

He laughed and reached for another cigarette. "That's what you think. No. Perhaps your blooding before was the mistake of a certain vampire. He took a leap of faith. Not anymore. Now both families of the night have seen what you are capable of. We have seen you rise above all our kind. You have abilities like no other. Now that you have come back as a human… the game starts again. Both vampire and vampaneze want to have you. We will do anything it takes."

"You're wrong!" I spat. "Mr. Crepsley will do nothing of the sort. Yes, at one time he was my mentor and master and he taught me well in the vampire ways. I became content with being a night creature! But that's not who I am anymore! Mr. Crepsley respects my decision!"

"Bah!" scoffed Onn. "Perhaps, Crepsley does not want to force you to become a vampire… But do you truly think that the princes care so much about your personal feelings? Perhaps they order Crepsley to blood you… What then?"

I shivered. Mr. Creplsey was a proper vampire with undying loyalty to the princes, I remembered. He would have to follow their orders… even if… NO! I didn't want to be a vampire! I didn't want to!

Onn smirked. "So here's the deal. Since the turning of your blood is inevitable… I will make you a fair offer. If you don't resist and let me blood you, I will plead with Mr. Darkket for the sake of your cirque. He will listen to me; I have been his strongest ally. Your cirque will be safe and you will free Mr. Tall from a terrible decision."

I clenched my fists. I wanted to scream with rage! I couldn't tell if Onn was playing with my head… if he was leading me to believe I had my back against a wall. Did I really have no choice but to become a monster? If so, I'd much rather be vampire than vampaneze. But… there was the cirque to think about…

Onn shrugged. "Think about it. But don't forget…" He grinned briefly with red-stained teeth, "You cannot run from destiny."  
A chill ran up my spine. Wasn't that what Mr. tiny had said in my dream? Mr. Tiny favored my enemies. At that moment, I knew Onn was in league with Mr. Tiny. I was sure of it. I glared at Onn, then flipped open the flap of the tent… and exited into the approaching dawn.

"Darren!"

My friends stood as I entered our tent. "What happened?!" cried Debbie. "Who was that man? What did he want?"

I shook my head. I knew that I was being immature and selfish, but I didn't want to tell them about the choice I needed to make. I didn't want their input. I just wanted to think…

"His blood smelled… _strange_," said Mr. Creplsey, raising an eyebrow at me. I gulped. He knew. We locked eyes. I couldn't help remembering what Onn had told me. What if I wake up one morning and find that Mr. Creplsey had blooded me… on order of the princes? I looked away.

"I'm going to bed," I muttered, making my way to a subsection of the enormous tent. I lifted the flap and was emerged in darkness.

Once inside, I sat down and reached into my pockets. My fist closed around the hand mirror that had been given to me by Evanna. I imagined the Cirque Du Freak. I imagined the face of Steve Leonard and whispered his name. The mirror's surface rippled, sparkled, and shimmered. Steve's face appeared. I was almost taken aback at first. It was odd to look in a mirror and see somebody else's reflection. However, seeing Steve was comforting. He was the person I wanted to talk to.

"Darren?" he gasped. "I've been waiting to hear from you. What's going on?"

"Keep your voice down," I said. "I want to talk."

"Okay. About what?"

I sucked in air. "The vampaneze and vampires…" I told Steve the whole story from our meeting with Colette Angel to now, emphasizing the part with Onn. He listened patiently and, when I came to an end, he nodded.

"You would not fit in as a vampaneze," he told me. "Trust me. I know what it was like. You would be more of a secret weapon than a man. This Onn character, I remember him. Vampaneze don't have a clear system of rule. However, they do follow orders from others if that one is obviously more skilled or experienced than them. Onn was like that. But he definitely had superiors. He was well-respected but not the greatest…"

"How much do you remember of the vampaneze?" I asked. "Do they have a clear weakness? Anything I could use?"

Steve shrugged. "Sunlight? Lack of Blood? Hesitancy to enter a victim's home? You know… the obvious stuff."

"That's not very helpful," I sighed. "It looks like I'll have to stop being a whiner and deal with this myself. But, I have to admit my fear. Having either Onn or Larten Crepsley blood me… freaks me out."

"I understand, man," Steve's gaze became distant. "I understand so much more ever since Evanna… Gave me my former life. I feel like I was both wiser and more ignorant back then than I am now. I was a terrible person. This whole thing is all my fault. Everything."

"No," I said bitterly. "It was all Mr. Tiny's fault."

"But I went after you and killed Mr. Crepsley and started The War of Scars and I was the reason we both met a terrible end. I––"

"It was all Mr. Tiny's fault!" I repeated forcefully.

He sighed. "I want to help, Darren. I do… to atone for everything–– all my sins–– and to prove to everyone… Never mind. I will sleep on this. You should too. Have you told Crepsley or the others yet?"

"No," I murmured. "But you're right. Sleep on it. Got it."

With that, I shut the hand mirror and collapsed onto the floor. Yeah, I thought. Just sleep on it…


End file.
